查看完整版本: 笑话乐翻天之八

笑话乐翻天之八

1、谜语：掀开热被窝，就往腿上摸，掰开两条腿，就往眼上搁。
评语：答案是眼镜，你可别想歪了！

2、有感于拙劣的广播电视广告泛滥， 黄教授感慨道： “想当年我搞的一个广告， 简简单单， 大大方方， 琅琅上口， 妇孺皆知。 现在四十五岁以上的女同志都 知道， ‘跃进牌月经带， 越戴越经戴’”
评语：这个很好记，你记住了吗？你戴过了吗？

3、一天， 黄夏留教授与两位朋友一块儿喝酒。 酒至半酣， 这两位为了谁的权力大吵了起 来。 一位是环保局的， 另一位是计划生育办公室的， 吵得不可开交， 黄教授连忙和稀 泥， 说： “两位别吵， 你们的权力都够大的。 ” 对第一位说： “你呀， 上管天， 下管 地， 中间还要管空气。 ” 说得这位洋洋自得。 老黄看第二位脸上就要挂不住， 赶紧接 着说： “你呢， 更厉害， 不管天， 不管地， 专管他的生殖器。”
评语：黄夏留教授的名字起得字如其人啊！

4、某工场主人以小气刻薄而远近驰名。有天晚上，他和老婆躺在床上亲 热，他握著她的乳房感叹的说:『唉~~要是你这里会流牛奶就好了，我们就不用养那堋多乳牛了。』老婆听了非常的生气。过会儿，他又 捏捏她的屁股感概的说:『唉~~要是你这里会生蛋就好了，那我们就不用养那堋多鸡了!』老婆气的半死，用力一抓她老公那话儿，也叹气的说:『唉~~要是你这话儿会硬就好了。』老公很奇怪，问:『为什堋?』 老婆说:『那我们不用请那么多工人了!!!!』
评论：不知是气话还是红杏出墙了。

5、有个男人出差回来，撞见老婆正与邻居的老公厮磨在一起。他怒气冲冲的去敲隔壁的门，向邻居的太太说：『你老公正与我老婆在偷情。』 『太不像话了，我们一定要报复。』邻居太太把他拉进房内，脱下衣服，展开激烈的作爱。不久，二人躺在床上休息，数分钟後，邻居太太又说：『怎么样？我们再来报复一次吧！』 就这样，连续报复了四次，当邻居太太要求第五次的报复时，男人摇摇晃晃的站起来说：『算了！我己经不恨他们了.......』
评语：精到用时方很少，报复五次体不支。

6、三个男人在一起言不及义,最後谈到自己的性能力 甲："我三天一次!" 乙：”我一天三次！? 甲不得不服输,但当丙说话时,连乙都吓坏了 丙：”我一次三天...................."?
评语：我只听说过，一日就是一天的啊！

7、新娘在结婚的前夕，与前任男友旧爱复燃，一时情欲焚身便上床， 由於没有带保险套，就用包火腿的塑胶膜代替。作爱时胶膜脱落， 留在新娘体内没有取出。结婚当天晚上，那片胶膜又黏在新郎的宝贝上， 新郎惊异地问：『这是什么东西？』『是我的处女膜。』新娘故作娇差地说。 『哦！我倒是第一次看到附有品质保证书的处女膜。』
评语：用那火腿的塑胶，上面的铝封还去掉吗？

8、胸部不怎么样的阿美下班回来，悻悻地说：
「刚刚经过暗巷时，有一个男的突然从背後抱我，要非礼我。」
弟弟：「难怪你那么生气...」
阿美：「更气人的是，那男人说： 『真扫兴,是个男的！』！」
评论：也就是说胸部平的像摊的鸡蛋，也是有好处的。

9、小王的老婆快生小孩了，但小王却按捺不住，对他老婆说：老婆...我好想要喔。老婆说：拜托，忍一下会死喔...。可是小王真的耐不住了，於是就把老婆推到床上来硬的。 做到一半，老婆突然喊说：不行，不行....我要生了。於是小王就匆匆忙忙的把老婆送到医院，小王在外面紧张的走来走去，看到医生走出来，赶紧上去问状况。 医生说：王先生，有一个好消息，一个坏消息...你要先听哪一个？小王紧张地问：好消息吧！医生就说：你太太生了一位千金，而且生产顺利，母女平安......。小王松了一口气，想：既然是母女平安，还会有什么坏消息呢？医生跟著又说：......可是很抱歉的是...我们发现你女儿已经不是处女了 。
评语：这是最让人无语的笑话了！

10、女生不小心摸到男生 的"那个",於是就不好意思的问: 这是什么呀?那男的回答: 本钱呀!於是他们又接著继续温存那男的不小心摸到女的"那个",於是就不好意思的问: 这是什么呢?那女的回答: 店面呀!那男的就很高兴的说: 太好了! 你有店面,我有本钱, 我们一起来做生意吧!!於是乎他们早也干晚也干,一天三餐,外加消夜及点心.最後那男的终於受不了而抗议说:这太不公平了!我的本钱越做越小,而你的店面却越开越大!
评语：做不了，转租给俺啊，俺本钱大，直径8厘米！

哈哈，感谢楼主给我们带来了欢乐！:teeth

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笑话还可以，第6个丙可够厉害的，真牛。呵呵